“That’s IT!” Harry Potter snapped, his wand flashing. His two best friends yelped as they were disarmed, silenced, immobilized, and levitated in quick succession. He threw his Invisibility Cloak over their bodies, automatically taking care to make sure they were covered, yet could still breathe, before guiding them out of the Common Room and down the stairs to the nearest available empty classroom. After securing the door with a locking and notice-me-not charm, he pulled the cloak off and maneuvered them to stand against the wall a safe distance apart, both from each other and from him.
“Now look!” He snapped. “I did not survive one war just to be pulled in the middle of another, especially not between two of the most important people in my life! You two either need to sex it out or hex it out, once and for all!” His green eyes glittered dangerously as he glared right back at the sulking witch and wizard. “This whole break up, make up, break up cycle isn’t healthy, for anyone involved. Even I can see that, and I haven’t exactly had the most–any!–stellar examples of loving relationships to go by.”
Frustration spurred him to start pacing. “The way I see it, this whole thing was a disaster waiting to happen, but you’re so -bloody- alike, that there was no persuading you out of it!”
That comment earned muffled disdainful snorts and glares from his counterparts, which made him crack a slight smile, relaxing slightly. “Bloody stubborn, my way or the highway, won’t change or yield nothing for no one, always has to be right, Gryffindors! For as long as I’ve known you both, your core characteristics haven’t changed. Ron still speaks before he thinks,and fluctuates on a range of emotions that would overflow one of Hagrid’s teaspoons. Too much emotion and not enough logic, mate, rather than not enough.” He raised his brows as the other wizard tried to maintain his glare, but eventually slumped slightly, as much as his invisible bonds would allow. Satisfied, Harry turned to his other best friend, who was still fuming.
“And Hermione–our resident bibliophile, best friend, smartest witch of our generation but honestly, still much more book smart than street–or social–smart.” He said fondly, despite the bluntness of his words. “Such a bundle of contradictions. You devour knowledge and can spout of rules from books that were before our parent’s parent’s time, yet you are also addicted to breaking the rules. However you, Her-mi-own-nee, are a closet romantic and a bit of a control freak, luv.” He smirked when she growled at him. “Which was all well and good when we needed it–study planners and preparing an contingency bag with half the library in it for when we went Horocrux hunting and other really useful things over the years.” He shook his head. “But you can’t control Ron–or me–and you can’t manipulate us into your ‘ideal’ wizard through nagging and lectures and tears. No matter what it says in Witch Weekly, or what Lavender or Parvarti told you.” He added severely, as she paled. Ron turned his head to gape at her. “No, I didn’t spy on you.” Harry said irritably, answering the question in her wide brown eyes. “Stands to reason though, that if Ron got advice from a book, then you were well ahead of him in doing your own too-through research, hmm?”